A Thought A Day With TK

day #106

ever have one of those days where you just feel “in between”? not really ever fully at one place or another. just barely making it and skimming by everywhere. you want, and you try so, so hard to go everywhere, to do everything, to meet everyone. but you’re not capable of that, not physically, emotionally, or mentally. you just end up feeling sort of out of it, never truly belonging anywhere. you realize that you’re stretching yourself thin, and the only way that you can possibly think of to make sure you don’t break is to start prioritizing and figuring out what is worth investing your time and effort in. however, it’s so much easier said than done, especially if you think everything is worth doing, everywhere is worth going, and everyone is worth meeting and creating meaningful relationships with. you want the time and effort invested into it to be meaningful and beneficial for you, but how do you know? which ones are worth risking other things for? 

i can never decide.

day #105

today, i found out that there was a shooting that happened a block away from where i lived when i was doing my internship last year in Miami. really reminded me all the kids who live in the neighbourhood and having to grow up in this kind of situation. no child should ever have to worry about their safety. It’s times like these where i feel especially helpless, and especially faithful that the Big Guy will watch over them and take care of them.

i miss the kids.

day #104 - post Kananaskis thoughts 

a couple days ago, i got the wonderful opportunity to go to Kananaskis for a hiking trip with some of the coolest friends i know. It has been a crazy intense adventure, and definitely an excellent end to an eventful summer. here are some thoughts/things i learned these last couple days:

- WEATHER CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING. the first hike we did was more difficult not only because it was a lot steeper than the second one, but also because it started to snow as we were hiking. yes, snow in august. as we got higher, it snowed harder and it got a lot colder. the second and third day was a lot easier and better because the sun was out and the view was breathtaking.

- great things take time. whether it’s hiking for an excellent view or building on deeper relationships with friends, a significant amount of effort and time is required. choose wisely on who and what you want to invest into. time is limited, and this trip has made me realize that with enough time and love, relationships can grow and the view from the top will be worth every step.

- be thankful for those who are patient with you. if you don’t know me, i’m EXTREMELY scared of heights. so that means that every time i take a step, i have to mentally prepare myself, causing me to slow down and fall behind the rest of the group. however, there were some amazing friends who were patient and kind enough to wait for me in case i fell or if i needed help. the guys especially, were super helpful in helping me hike down and stayed behind to walk with me even though they were fully capable of going ahead. so if you’re reading this, thank you so much for being incredibly patient and helping little ‘ol me.

- music brings people together. whether you’re belting out backstreet boys or recalling songs from your teenage angst phase, music has the wonderful ability to create something extraordinary. always treasure that.

- adventures are, without a doubt, always better when you go with people you love. it was never meant to be done alone. so always remember to look around you, and be thankful for those on the same path as you. God willing, they will be able stick around with you for when you reach the end of the adventure. (:

day #103

life feels like it’s going faster when everyone is going forward and you feel like you’re going backwards.

sigh.

day #102

Thankful Thursday:

today, i’m thankful for you. I’m thankful for your unconditional love and mercy, something i constantly take for granted. there are days where i feel like no amount of forgiveness could possibly suffice for all that has been done. but here you are, you’ve never left. thank you.

day #101

instead of never being satisfied with all that you have, start trusting that this is all that you need. 

day #100

there are days where you find myself totally focused and aware, fairly confident that you’re heading the right way, and that you will be one step closer towards the goal.

then there are days where you fail, and you feel like you just crashed into a sea of defeat, and all of the previous days of hard work comes crumbling down with it. you find yourself filled with disappointment, and a sense of absolute hopelessness.

sometimes, soon enough, with enough will power and faith in something bigger than you, you bring yourself back up with a new sense hope and confidence. you tell yourself that you will endure through whatever comes your way with optimism and faith that where you are is exactly where you should be. 

but other times, you just can’t seem to pick yourself back up. the sea of defeat almost consumes you and you start to lose sight of the goal. if you don’t lose sight of it, you start seeing it as a mirage, as if it will never be attainable. sometimes it feels like you’re one step forward, two steps back. 

most of the time, it’s a battle between the two. 

God, help me.

quick side note: yaay made it to day 100. thanks for sticking around, dear reader. (: here’s to 100 more!

day #99

last night, i heard a car crash into the fence. it’s a lot scarier when you hear it in real life rather than in movies.

day #98

post trip thoughts - the trip that never happened

almost half a year ago, my two friends and i were planning our trip in Asia. seeing as we had a lot of time for our trip, we decided that it would be great if we could go to another country aside from Korea. After much research and thought, we decided that Thailand would be an awesome destination.

We started booking our flights and planning where we would go and what we would do. One of the biggest reasons why we chose Thailand was because our sponsor child was there. Words cannot describe how excited we were to meet her. Emails went back and forth between the organization and I as we were preparing for the meet up. My friends and I  got presents for her, and it was clear that we were all getting excited and a bit nervous as the time came closer. Hostels, tickets, itinerary all planned out and ready to go. only thing left was actually going there.

fast forward to around a month before our trip to Thailand. news coverage from Canada, Hong Kong and everywhere else reporting the political protests going on in Thailand and how the military is temporarily taking over. video clips of citizens filling up the streets, causing riots and general fear over the state of the country. news about us heading over to Thailand spread like wildfire back home. apparently, a lot of people were talking about us and our trip at church back in canada. facebook messages and emails started flooding in, warning us about the dangers of traveling there and advising us to just stay in Korea.

my friends and i talked it over for a bit, and we each had our own points and views about it. after much thought and prayer, we cancelled everything Thailand related. we cancelled the flights to Chiang Rai and Bangkok. the hostel, now hostel-less. plans to explore the cities and see the waterfalls, nooope. but most importantly, we had to cancel all plans to visit our sponsor child, Sudarat (Suddy).

it’s been around a month since we were suppose to go, and i still find myself having mixed feelings about this. on one hand, i can sort of see why we were told not to go. even though the people who were in Thailand said that it wasn’t as bad as the news portrayed it, they didn’t believe it. they thought it was too dangerous, and i could see that they worried for our safety while we weren’t as stressed about it as they were. in fact, i was probably more worried about Sudarat’s safety. days passed, and friends and family were asking about whether or not we made our decision. there was some pressure from the outside to not make a decision, but to more importantly make a decision that seemed like it was already decided for us. don’t get me wrong though, i totally understand where they were coming from which was why part of our decision was out of obedience and somewhat fear over the consequences of what might happen if we didn’t listen to them.

on the other hand, all the excitement and anticipation to go and visit the child that you’ve been supporting was suddenly crushed. perhaps i sound a little melodramatic, but i was so set on seeing Suddy that when i realized that we were no longer visiting her…it was very disappointing. all the scenarios and conversations that i imagined in my head, how we would see her for the first time, or how we would play together and visit her home, all of that suddenly poofed, all gone. it’s hard to describe how i felt…but imagine a young little girl who lives in across the world. she gets to go to school, to learn, to play, to love God because you made a choice to commit to support her through what you have in your wallet and prayer. in a way, it’s almost like you’re meeting your own child. you spend months planning it, and working everything out to make sure that when the day comes, it’ll be a memorable one. and all of a sudden within a few weeks, all of that is gone. am i being over dramatic about this?

i know that some time in the distant future, there will be another opportunity to visit her. i strongly believe that the Man upstairs has a reason for all of this, i just don’t know it yet. sometimes when i see the picture of her on my wall, i still find myself thinking about what it would have been like if we met face to face.

Day #97

A lot of times, I find myself struggling between:
asking too many questions, or not asking enough to show that I care. Is it better to ask what’s wrong or to wait until they bring it up to you?
Giving someone too much space to the point where it seems like I’m not trying anymore, or not enough to the point where it seems like I’m trying too hard?
Not reading into things enough and just be completely oblivious in certain situations, or reading into everything and constantly create worst case scenarios for myself?

When is it too much? when is it not enough?